After leaning back, One must lean forward.

So much can change in four years.

I remember Election Day Eve 2006, as a senior at the University of Delaware. We decided to hold an Election Day Eve party at our apartment because the entire school had off the following day. We told everyone to dress in either red or blue. The party was a huge hit.

I remember watching the numbers come in the following day, excited that "my party" had come in with many gains--after losing in the Presidential election in the previous cycle. The cable news channels were aflutter with eager Democrats, including names that I was only hearing for the first time, like Barack Obama and Rahm Emanuel, names that would affect the next four years of my life, without my knowing it.

Fast forward to Election Day Eve 2010. A man who was elected governor of New York in 2006 on the coattails of national Democrats, Eliot Spitzer, once mired in political scandal (around the 2008 election cycle), is sitting with a lovely journalist cohost on CNN, making his predictions for tomorrow's "Republican Rout" while I watch him on the treadmill at the gym, listening to Cat Stevens' "Peace Train."

So much can change in four years.

In prior years, I voted for a myriad of reasons, none all too rational. In 2004 I voted because I was so anti-Bush it was scary. I believe that man turned me into a Democrat. I watched every primary and caucus result that year to see which Democrat could beat the man I loathed as our President. That's a lot of liberal lingo. In 2006, I was still riding that Democratic wave, angry that Kerry lost, but voting absentee, I didn't see the value in my vote, and just wanted to have an excuse for a party.

I was glued to the Presidential election in 2007 and 2008, now as a teacher obsessed with equality, racism, tolerance, and worried about my job in education. Therefore, I was thrilled to support Barack Obama, someone who would change the face of America as we knew it.

Now in divisive election year 2010, I am going to the polls tomorrow as an educated voter. I have seen a Democratic party that has had many legislative achievements in the past two years--and I fully support many of its leaders, including the President and most of their policies of these years especially in health care, education reform, the stimulus packages, Wall Street reform--but I am disappointed in their overall message. The Democrats and the President did a lot of explaining in 2009 when they were trying to pass the health care bill, but it wasn't the right time. More needed to be done the first ten months of the year to promote the message of health care for all, civil rights for all Americans, and why the votes and legislation on these issues are important for America, and why this SHOULD be the direction the country is going in.

Instead, the Democrats seemed to cave under their record, and with some good reason. After all, they did not create as many jobs as necessary, or decrease unemployment or the deficit. So while I have found solace in most of the work done by my elected officials over the past two years, I'm not necessarily sold. The leaders I'm voting for this year are getting my vote for the first time because I truly believe in the power of one vote, and I want to exercise that power to promote policies of human advancement that I absolutely agree with.

So here are some people I'll be voting for tomorrow:

U.S. Senators Chuck Schumer and Kirsten Gilibrand - Schumer is a major advocate for New York State, valuing human rights and education. He is a strong figure in Congress and will continue to provide his constituents and all Americans with dignified service and integrity. While Gilibrand is new, she has done nothing to dissuade me to vote for her, and I truly believe she too has the right mindset to represent New Yorkers in the Senate.

U.S. Congressman Tim Bishop - Tim has brought jobs home to Long Island and has truly represented my community in I think an exemplary way. He loves this area of eastern Long Island and votes the right way on issues that promote the advancement of Eastern Long Island. I strongly support Tim Bishop.

Ken Mangan for State Assembly and Ira Bernstein for State Senate - I will be voting for these two gentlemen because of their belief in the power of education and in the power for unionized labor. NYSUT is strong here in New York, and I am lucky to have a job that has the strength in unity and realizes the importance of its individual members. I have seen the power of unions over the past few years in improving working conditions and I will vote for these two political outsiders knowing that they will bring a different voice to the monotony of Albany.

Finally, I will not be voting for either the Democrat, Andrew Cuomo, or the Republican, Carl Paladino, for Governor. I think Paladino is unjust, irresponsible, and intolerant: he looks down on gays, Muslims, the President, probably African Americans in general, and I just don't find him rational enough to lead one of the most powerful states in the union. And I am not sold on Andrew Cuomo. He has not done enough to persuade the young Democrat like myself, who did not know his father or his time in Washington or in Albany, that he is worthy of my vote. He has simply laid low and acted like the heir to the throne, which by all intents and purposes, he is. But that's not enough for me. I have heard that he would open a Constitutional Convention if he were elected, but he hasn't been pressed on the issue. I have heard he has his hands in lobbyists' pockets and vice versa, but he hasn't been pressed on the issue. I have heard that he does NOT value unionized labor, or teachers, or education reform, and I don't know why he hasn't been pressed on the issue.

I watched the carnival of a gubernatorial debate, and the only person who wasn't a former hooker on the stage who actually made some sense was the Libertarian candidate, Warren Redlich. I don't usually see myself as the less-government Libertarian, but for whatever reason, his issues resonated with me. In addition to his "stop wasting money" slogan and general ideas on cutting down the deficit with cuts to unnecessary state programs, he DOES find the value in education. Here are some talking points that he emailed back to me, personally:
*Education is not on my list of cuts. Personally I like the voucher concept but it is not something I would try to do. Not politically viable.
*I'm not fond of our current "no administrator left behind" policy.
*Don't really like charters. Half assed voucher that doesn't work well and makes vouchers look bad.
*Biggest problem in education is not in the schools. It's everything outside them - home, parents, media etc.

It's not a lot. But it's enough to take a vote away from someone who I don't really trust, who hasn't taken the time to put himself out there to a young voter who cares about the future of this country and this state. I think it's disingenuous for a politician to assume they deserve holding high office; it should be a privilege to be elected as a REPRESENTATIVE of the people, whether it is in governing or legislating. I have seen so many missteps in politicians over the past four years, but feel comfortable in casting my vote tomorrow for people who represent me and my values for moving this country forward.

I will end this Election Day Eve rant with a montage of videos from MSNBC's latest ad-campaign, entitled "Lean Forward," as that is surely where I hope the direction of this country is headed come Wednesday morning.

RIP Pa 10/28/09

Written by my aunt Carol, in remembrance of Pa:

Thank you all for being here with us today to celebrate Dad’s life. It certainly was a life well-lived. I think that everyone who knew Dad knows what a good person he was – he loved his family, worked hard and practiced his faith – what better can be said of a man at the end of the day?
Dad was the ultimate gentleman, and a man of strong moral fiber - it might have been uncomfortable for us at times, but he taught us well – the trait was passed on to his children and in turn to his grandchildren. And it was not only his words – but his actions too – the way he lived his life, challenging each of us to be the best that we could be. He and Mom together created a caring & loving family that they were so very proud of.
His love for our mother was an inspiration to all of us and that love extended to his parents, brother, sisters, nieces and nephews – nothing made him happier than the family reunions at Liz & Bob’s and then this year when we all came to him at his Buckingham home. His special bond with his twin sister Margaret was beautiful to see.
Dad grew up in the Bronx during hard financial times. In order to help the family he joined the CCCs at the age of 17 and was sent to a state park in Virginia where he helped to build cabins, fireplaces and even a swimming pool. When World War II came along he was first stationed in Oregon and Mom followed him out there in order to be close to him. He was sent overseas and was assigned to the Pigeon Signal Corps where he used his pigeon training skills from the roofs of his Bronx apartments to help send messages behind enemy lines.
When Mom was hospitalized with TB, Dad held the family together in the best ways he could and tried never to let us know how hard it was for him.
My sisters and brother and I have so many wonderful memories of him – more than we can possibly share today. Among the memories were Boy Scout camping weekends with Jim, the Fall weekend visits to Wyndham where he taught the grandsons to golf, camping with them in New York when they had their trailer, visits to Lake Welch & Lake Sebago with Uncle Jimmy, barbequing and tossing us kids around in the water, and of course the pool on James Street, Jean remembers sitting on his lap a lot when she was little - we all remember the haircuts he gave us with the bowl on our heads (all right that is a not so fond memory). We all remember how handy he was around the house – he could patch up anything and make it work & he continued to do so at his children’s homes as well.
I also remember Dad as a protector. I will never forget the night that I was babysitting in Englewood during some troubles there when the back door opened –luckily I had put the chain on, but I was terrified. I called Dad & within minutes he was banging on the front door with baseball bat in hand. It says something about both of us that it never occurred to either of us to call the police. I instinctively turned to my Dad and he instinctively rushed to my rescue as he always did for all of us.
These last couple of years have been hard for Dad & for those of us who love him. His sudden illness & its complications kept Dad from being home with his precious Mary and took the life that he was used to away from him with shocking suddenness. And yet no words of complaint ever passed his lips. Even after Mom was gone, Dad always tried to be positive, looking forward to his visits with his girls and his son, talking golf and watching old movies with his devoted sons-in-law and spending time with all of us out in the garden with the birds and animals that he loved to watch, and singing along with the weekend entertainers. The frequent visits of Liz & his beloved sister Marge, his niece Joan and her husband Ken, Eileen Donovan who was so good to both of our parents, Father Joe, and other family members meant so very much to him and we are so grateful to all of you. One of the most impressive things about Dad was his unfailing politeness. His caregivers have told us that he never failed to thank them for their ministrations and he was well loved in the Buckingham by workers and residents alike for his sweet disposition and stoic acceptance of his situation. His dignity and courage were an inspiration to all who knew him.
His face would light up with pleasure when his cherished grandchildren came to visit – how he loved listening to their stories about work, school, their travels and their hobbies. He was so proud of all their accomplishments and talents and was always proudly rooting them on when he was still able whether it was at baseball games, school functions, grandparents days at school, plays, concerts, an Eagle Scout ceremony or a Hall of Fame dinner. His love for them was reciprocated in full.
This past year brought special joy to him with the birth of his first great-grandson, Ryan. There seemed to be a bond between them from the beginning and how he enjoyed seeing him in person & also getting to see him through the miracle of Skype! Ryan will always know how his great grandpa loved him – how lucky he is!
Over the past two years I feel that I got to know my father in a way that I never did before. I felt that I was seeing him as the sweet, loving boy he was before the war, five children and financial burdens weighed him down. They were not easy years for any of us but I wouldn’t trade the precious time spent with him for anything in the world and I know my sisters and brother all feel the same. I promised Mom that I would take care of him for her – we all did our best and I know that they are together again in heaven, happy and pain-free. Mom sent a rainbow on his last day to let us know that she was taking over now and that we can all be at peace.
“I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith” 2 Timothy 4:7
You did all of that Dad, and more – now be at peace with your beloved Mary.
Goodnight Dad, sleep tight, sweet dreams, I love you.


Eulogy written by me to honor Pa:

Pa passed away 1 year 3 months and 26 days after Nana. We didn’t think he would last that long after she passed away. I think that he did it for us—his 5 kids, their 5 spouses, his 11 grandkids, and his great grandson. I think that we can’t talk about Pa without talking about the woman he loved for 67 years. Nana and Pa were always considered the core of this family. They always will be to each of us, but now the 10 kids—our parents—have to be the center of the family like Nana and Pa were. The center has shifted, but the family’s values that Nana and Pa created remain the same.
Pa had his struggles these past couple of years, but he got through them with a courage that was so inspiring to all who knew him. He always had a positive outlook on his life. Going to the nursing home and visiting him could be depressing at times, but, having had the past couple of days for reflection, I determined that his room there at the end of his life was a microcosm for all of our lives. He was able, from his room, to welcome his great-grandson, Ryan, into the world. He was able to meet a man of faith, his friend Jerry, who provided a religious and faithful outlook for Pa in the days and months of grieving over his wife’s death. He was able to make a friend at the age of 93, just when you’d think you’ve had all the friends you needed, in his roommate Vinny, who stood by him, even going over to Pa’s bed to share his excitement with his friend about the Yankees winning the pennant Sunday night. And I know that inside Pa was laughing about his crazy friend with that great bellowing laugh of his that we’ve all heard and loved.
But one thing that Pa taught me, one of so many things he always taught us throughout our lives—how to golf, how to build a rocket or a racecar, how to love your spouse unconditionally, how to be an amazing father and grandfather to all his grandkids and even their friends—one thing Pa taught me towards the end when I would come visit him in the nursing home, is to appreciate the little things in life. When I was staring out his window, as we all did when we visited him, we would take time to notice all the different birds, the different leaves that everyday we would just take for granted. But to Pa, who was debilitated, these things gave him joy and pleasure while he was suffering. A nice day was something that gave him joy while he was suffering. Seeing the beautiful birds outside his window gave him joy while he was suffering. I’m thankful for those nice days and for the birds and for having all that conversation with a man who I feel so grateful and so lucky to have had in my life for 24 years. May Pa rest in peace with our beloved Nana, always.

Subtitulo

I am constantly amazed, and I know I have written about this before but I just keep getting the feeling, by music corresponding to a specific time and place in my life.

Right now I am listening to Subtitulo by Josh Rouse, which takes me back to junior year of college. It was a beautiful fall day--one of the last 70 degree days--and I had gotten done observing at Glasgow High School, so I had some time left in my day to kill. I hopped on I-95 South and drove to Susquehanna State Park in Maryland, traversing the trails alone, stepping over orange, red, yellow and brown leaves, watching the water flow southward into the Chesapeake Bay watershed.

After a brief stop in nearby town Havre-de-Grace, I was making my way back towards campus and home in Newark, Delaware. But I decided to take backroads: routes 272 and 273, long country roads through Maryland and eventually Delaware, all the while driving 70 miles per hour with the windows down, blaring Rouse's newly released masterpiece. As Rouse sings, "It looks like love is gonna find a way, a way, a way..."

Fall Renewal

I recognize this feeling. Of relief that the dog days of summer are gone. Of a cool breeze careening past you, leaves billowing and falling in the distance. There's a rawness to autumn, an oakiness like the inside of an acoustic guitar or the bite of a glass of cabernet sauvignon. That's why, without fail, each autumn my heart pines for music that reflects this:

Florence and the Machine, "Dog Days Are Over" and "Cosmic Love"
Chris Bathgate "Serpentine"
Mumford and Sons "Sigh No More" and "Dust Bowl Dance"
Guster "Well" and "This Could All Be Yours"
Martin Sexton "Alone" and "My Faith is Gone" and "So Long Suzanna"
Neko Case "Magpie to the Morning"
Cory Chisel "Home in the Woods"
Ryan Adams "The Shadowlands"
The Swell Season "Back Broke" and "Low Rising"
Phoenix "Love Like a Sunset Part II"

In autumn I yearn for the hairs upon my neck to stick up a bit, while the red, orange, and yellow leaves crunch underneath my feet. I brace for colder temperatures while holding onto the warm rays of the sun. It is a period that invites reflection and rumination; it is a time of spiritual renewal, preparing for a time of coldness and struggle as well as celebration and happiness.

I'm ready to embrace my fall renewal.

Happiness is Unreasonable

“Beneath it all remember the innate perfection of your life unfolding. That is the secret of unreasonable happiness.” – Dan Millman, Way of the Peaceful Warrior

There are only a handful of events in this life for which I feel regret. Whenever one of these events takes place, obviously without my foreknowledge if its effects on my conscience, it invites some reflection days later, usually in the form of mind demons attacking before bed. But these mind demons are well deserved, usually, to keep me on my feet and remind me of the pitfalls in life.

It is typical that a completely euphoric and perfect day is followed by one that causes headaches and invites grey hair and early onset male pattern baldness. But these fits and starts, these ups and downs, hills and valleys are all there to remind us of the undercurrent of life, the unending journey of love and happiness we are each trying to achieve.

A bad day at work is a necessary evil of life; there to improve future days, and ensure general well-being.

Tomorrow is open school night of my fourth year. I will walk in with my suit, feeling confident that the work that I do this year will, overall, bring success to other people's kids, even if I do occasionally have days that will cause my hair to grey or fall out because of these same kids. Such is teaching!

"You have to make your own way in the classroom. You have to find yourself. You have to develop your own style, your own techniques. You have to tell the truth or you’ll be found out.” - Frank McCourt, Teacher Man

Pumpkin Spice Chess

Pumpkin spice latte runnels are swirling around the inner regions of my body as my mind floats down the lazy river propelling me towards the end of the work week.

It is Wednesday and after 3 days of interrupting, obnoxious students; spontaneous, pointless meetings; and brain-crunching planning and prepping, I could use a respite.

The Borders Books and Music in which i am reading my Herman Hesse novel is teeming with animated men and one woman playing chess. These ragtag folks are shouting in excitement as they move their pieces and ponder said moves. A man in a white turtleneck, white hat, and windbreaker screeches in an Italian-American accent that could hail from Queens. A large black gentleman with a James Earl jones voice and the whitest eyes I have ever seen, clad in a brown cowboy hat, plays a disheveled man with a cement-mixing company's t-shirt tucked into his jeans. An athletic man in mesh shorts, the youngest person here, plays a middle-aged man wearing a black sweatshirt over a dress shirt and shorts, who said he didnt make it to Port Jeff library today because he finally found work.

I am intrigued by this group who is so involved in the game, one which is so intimately personal, yet surprisingly social. They know each other and talk about Borders chess players past like Charlie who's now out at the reservation texting the turtlenecked man from Queens, "I'm surrounded by happy brown men."

I am comforted by this group who makes me forget about Ben, who has been calling out and making wisecracks in class like it's his job. Or Karl and Brendan asking the most asinine questions like "Does 'odyssey' mean peanuts?" and interrupting our discussion with the faithfully annoying, "Can I throw my garbage out?" I know, at least he asked. Then there's Krystal, who seems to forget that I hate the question, "What're we doing today?"

Yet, these nuisances have driven me out of the house, and fate has lead me here to the Bohemia Borders to observe the fine people before me.

There has been a lull in the conversation--just some quiet, nervous chuckling amid the inner pondering--ever since the lone woman said, "Well, life is short!"

Her opponent, apparently losing at the moment, said, "That's true."

No Place Like Soul

Perfectly soothing moment in time: Listening to "No Place Like Soul" album by Soulive; cool autumn breeze enveloping the room; drinking DD's pumpkin spice latte. Doesn't matter that I'm grading when I have this peaceful feeling emanating from my surroundings.