Two months have passed since my last post. I could go on about my creativity, or lack thereof, but that is the theme of every other post on here from the past two years.
Each summer is a cathartic purging for me. And since I had a moment of catharsis the night before I had a literal purging in the form of a wicked stomach virus, I am going to take this as a sign. Sometimes life gets too fast, and you just have to be reminded to slow down and start anew.
I was reminded of this on Monday night, as I climbed the steps at the Holtsville Ecology Site and Park, after running two laps around the track as the sun slowly set on the blustery, sultry, sticky Long Island surrounding me. As I reached my apex, the top of a reclaimed landfill that looks out a few miles towards Holbrook, Holtsville, Patchogue, and Farmingville, I thought of the other peaks I've reached and promontories I've stood on in my life.
In 2005 and 2006, in the midst of college, as a 20-21 year old mired in self-discovery, I would run to a promontory jutting out onto the gracefully flowing White Clay Creek, amid the White Clay Creek State Park in Delaware. There I would sit and surround myself with the mellifluous sounds of a trout stream cascading around lands empty but to other nature-seekers like myself and the park's own natural inhabitants. After a few seasons completing this run, my time on the promontory led to my acquiring Lyme's disease from a deer tick, so I decided to do away with running to the promontory, and instead ran to state borders (Delaware borders two within running distance to campus), which provided momentary excitement but not nearly the same cathartic effect.
2007 was a transition year for me; I moved back home from Delaware, started working at the snack shack at the Babylon village pool (where I would often have my cathartic moments watching the sun set on the ethereal Great South Bay, surrounded by fried oil and grease wafting in my face), and got a full-time job teaching at Sachem.
In 2008, I drove cross country , where I experienced two moments of catharsis: the first, during an early-morning half-hungover run to Lake Michigan in Chicago, one of America's beautiful skylines behind me and its most delicate of lakes reflecting that skyline in front of me.
The other moment was an earlier morning, more-westerly, less-hungover walk in the heart-stealing expanse of blue skies and mountains, the great city of Bozeman, Montana. Here, looking towards the mountains in the distance, I was overcome by the size and glory of this land, and I realized I would strive to continue conquering it.
Now many years later from these separate cathartic revelations, I am at a precipice yet again, ready to move on and climb upward in my mountainous life. Until I get to my next precipice, my next apex, promontory or peak, I am content to be where I am, watching the sunset surrounding me, reflecting on where I have been and where I am going.
Robert Pirsig put it best: “You look at where you’re going and where you are and it never makes sense, but then you look back at where you’ve been and a pattern seems to emerge. And if you project forward from that pattern, then sometimes you can come up with something.”
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Monday, May 3, 2010
Can't Find the Better Man
This is the state of the world right now. Bombs are going off in the Middle East, and thankfully being put out in Times Square. Coincidentally, the father of one of my former students, Wayne Rhatigan, was one of the first on scene to make sure the Times Square bomb didn't detonate.
The courage in his actions is astounding. But it makes me think--what if he hadn't been there, and this bomb did detonate? People would be dead if it was not for Mr. Rhatigan.
I guess it's not really possible to know how many people we save daily. But think about the little things that we do that have a ripple effect in making somebody's life better. Mr. Rhatigan saw this effect directly by his actions, which he called, "All in a day's work." His actions directly affected others' and he literally saved lives that could have been lost had this bomb gone off.
I may be naive or too optimistic in thinking that in my occupation as teacher I take on a role of moral advisor in which I lay the groundwork for improving young men and women's lives for years to come. I start each year by telling my students that, like Pythagoras told his students (as recounted by Plato), in some way, I hope to--by their association with me--make each day better. That's a difficult undertaking, and it's hard to remain humble when viewing that as my goal for the day, but it also challenges me as a teacher. Is what I'm doing today for the betterment of my students? If the answer is yes, then I do believe I have succeeded.
But if I'm achieving personal and moral betterment in my classroom each day (as is my goal), how come this enrichment through association has not captured the whole world? Instead, there is vitriol riddled in every television show on TV--from the Nightly News to South Park. Bombs are still being dropped, if not on the people of New York City, who on this day in 2010 are considered the lucky ones, then on some unlucky, poor Middle Easterners who have gotten caught in a war with the most powerful country in the world.
When will it end? It is probably cliche to talk about world peace these days, but I don't understand why more people aren't talking about it. We need to rally around our everyday heroes like Wayne Rhatigan, who was just doing his job to serve and protect, but to also promote peace, to better humanity. We need to stick with associating with people who serve to make us better every day than we were on the day before.
The courage in his actions is astounding. But it makes me think--what if he hadn't been there, and this bomb did detonate? People would be dead if it was not for Mr. Rhatigan.
I guess it's not really possible to know how many people we save daily. But think about the little things that we do that have a ripple effect in making somebody's life better. Mr. Rhatigan saw this effect directly by his actions, which he called, "All in a day's work." His actions directly affected others' and he literally saved lives that could have been lost had this bomb gone off.
I may be naive or too optimistic in thinking that in my occupation as teacher I take on a role of moral advisor in which I lay the groundwork for improving young men and women's lives for years to come. I start each year by telling my students that, like Pythagoras told his students (as recounted by Plato), in some way, I hope to--by their association with me--make each day better. That's a difficult undertaking, and it's hard to remain humble when viewing that as my goal for the day, but it also challenges me as a teacher. Is what I'm doing today for the betterment of my students? If the answer is yes, then I do believe I have succeeded.
But if I'm achieving personal and moral betterment in my classroom each day (as is my goal), how come this enrichment through association has not captured the whole world? Instead, there is vitriol riddled in every television show on TV--from the Nightly News to South Park. Bombs are still being dropped, if not on the people of New York City, who on this day in 2010 are considered the lucky ones, then on some unlucky, poor Middle Easterners who have gotten caught in a war with the most powerful country in the world.
When will it end? It is probably cliche to talk about world peace these days, but I don't understand why more people aren't talking about it. We need to rally around our everyday heroes like Wayne Rhatigan, who was just doing his job to serve and protect, but to also promote peace, to better humanity. We need to stick with associating with people who serve to make us better every day than we were on the day before.
Monday, April 12, 2010
Unbreakable Lamb
There seems a certain precariousness to springtime that is oft overlooked. After the ravaging of winter storms, blizzards, and tree-downing Nor'easters, spring quietly creeps up on us and without our noticing.
Spring is a bridge from one extreme to the other. Hope is yet in the distance in the blooming and warming of days. More people congregate outdoors, windows are open, air let in. Everything seems perfect in spring; there is a serenity even in the soft, yet sometimes steady drops of rain, like the constant rising of the sun and the moon.
Morning dew permeates our lives yet again, as do the varying colors, hues of red, green, pink, and blue.
And yet, acts of evil still render our peace-filled spring fruitless. Hope is diminished with the crash of a plane, killing 96, including world leaders.
Cancer still spreads, in the disease's physical, deadly state, and also in its figurative spread among humanity, a more violent and chaotic place every day.
So what is to get a person through? One who notices death and destruction, sadness and decay, in the face of goodness? Evil at odds with purity?
Just like summer is to follow spring, man knows he must hope that good will follow bad. It seems almost inherent for man to believe that.
ee cummings wrote about spring, and how we have the ability to make things better. It is within our power, by free will, to make things right, to hope for good even in the face of bad, to see light in a dark time, to see relief after terror. Spring is in between two extremes; it is peaceful, but I am aware of what else is going on around me. And for that, I will always strive for more--and for better.
Spring is like a perhaps hand by E. E. Cummings
III
Spring is like a perhaps hand
(which comes carefully
out of Nowhere)arranging
a window,into which people look(while
people stare
arranging and changing placing
carefully there a strange
thing and a known thing here)and
changing everything carefully
spring is like a perhaps
Hand in a window
(carefully to
and fro moving New and
Old things,while
people stare carefully
moving a perhaps
fraction of flower here placing
an inch of air there)and
without breaking anything.
Spring is a bridge from one extreme to the other. Hope is yet in the distance in the blooming and warming of days. More people congregate outdoors, windows are open, air let in. Everything seems perfect in spring; there is a serenity even in the soft, yet sometimes steady drops of rain, like the constant rising of the sun and the moon.
Morning dew permeates our lives yet again, as do the varying colors, hues of red, green, pink, and blue.
And yet, acts of evil still render our peace-filled spring fruitless. Hope is diminished with the crash of a plane, killing 96, including world leaders.
Cancer still spreads, in the disease's physical, deadly state, and also in its figurative spread among humanity, a more violent and chaotic place every day.
So what is to get a person through? One who notices death and destruction, sadness and decay, in the face of goodness? Evil at odds with purity?
Just like summer is to follow spring, man knows he must hope that good will follow bad. It seems almost inherent for man to believe that.
ee cummings wrote about spring, and how we have the ability to make things better. It is within our power, by free will, to make things right, to hope for good even in the face of bad, to see light in a dark time, to see relief after terror. Spring is in between two extremes; it is peaceful, but I am aware of what else is going on around me. And for that, I will always strive for more--and for better.
Spring is like a perhaps hand by E. E. Cummings
III
Spring is like a perhaps hand
(which comes carefully
out of Nowhere)arranging
a window,into which people look(while
people stare
arranging and changing placing
carefully there a strange
thing and a known thing here)and
changing everything carefully
spring is like a perhaps
Hand in a window
(carefully to
and fro moving New and
Old things,while
people stare carefully
moving a perhaps
fraction of flower here placing
an inch of air there)and
without breaking anything.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Race to the Top
To be presented to the Second Ever congregation of the Sachem Junto on Thursday, April 1, 2010:
According to the Washington Post, “Delaware and Tennessee won the first shares of President Obama's $4 billion fund for education innovation and reform.
Delaware received 454.6 points out of 500. It has a new state law that bars educators from receiving "effective" ratings unless their students demonstrate satisfactory levels of growth. It also offers bonuses of as much as $10,000 a year for teachers and principals willing to transfer to high-needs schools. Schools in "turnaround" because of poor performance must show improvement within two years.
The state plans to send "data coaches" into schools to help teachers track student performance and target lessons where needed. The state is to begin new tests in the coming school year that will generate achievement data to help evaluate teachers and principals.”
Ezra Klein from the Post states, “Race to the Top is a $4.35 billion grant program created in the stimulus package. The short version is that the states submit proposals to improve their education system to the federal government, and if the Feds approve, the states get a pot o' money with which to implement the plan. The idea isn't just to fund public schools, but to use the promise of federal money in a time of strapped state budgets to empower reformers. New York finished second-to-last, leading Mike Bloomberg to criticize the state legislature for not lifting its cap on charter schools. "We are not going to qualify unless the state understands this," he said. And that's where the promise of the program really lies: Using the money to get the states to make legislative changes they wouldn't otherwise make, and unite stakeholders who wouldn't otherwise come together.”
Now I went to the University of Delaware, observed, student taught, and was a leave replacement at schools across the state during my tenure there. And I did notice some obvious problems in the education system. For one, in DE, kids can be bused to any school within the county, and there were very selective choices, leaving some schools in the dust. The state education department has started taking over schools in the state, and Howard, where I student taught, was on the short-list for Federal Take-over, but was passed over for 5 other schools.
An obvious concern with Race To the Top is data. In the article, they focused on how DE was going to enforce data when it came to changing what's going wrong with teachers in the classroom. I get afraid when I hear administration screaming "data" because I feel that they want teachers to teach strictly to the test, and to remind you of the dirty SpringBoard issue last year, you know I do not like teaching to the test. I'm going to be a hypocrite here for a second, however, and say that an effective teacher (or highly qualified to use some NCLB jargon) should be able to have high passing grades on any test, state-, federal-, or locally-enforced. How does R2TT enforce the latter without encouraging the former?
One thing I will say about Delaware, and my district in particular, is that they offered worthwhile professional development days. Our professional development time pales in comparison, but, to my knowledge, Delaware doesn’t have the teacher center programs like New York does.
Here’s what my friend Nicole, who is the English department chair at Howard, had to say about R2TT: “In regard to Race to the Top Funds, the jury is still out. Delaware wrote a lot into its grant, and very little of it was actually fleshed out at the time of submission--such as how to handle teacher accountability under the new DPAS II system--but every district acknowledged that the money was a necessary evil when considering the extreme budget crisis the State is currently facing. I am not in a position to comment on it yet, as I try not to jump to conclusions until the details and specifics are available--which will not be for several more months. I do know that the money will save some of our staff, as our District was in a difficult place facing next year's budget, but beyond that I cannot say whether I am happy about this turn of events or terrified; I am leaning toward the latter.”
Now, let’s bring it back to New York, which finished second to last in this first round of Race funds. My union President, John H., in his last Presidential Point letter in Speak Out, addressed the issue, but under the guise that he wasn’t so sure Sachem needed reform in the first place. He said, “To earn the grant, I had to sign off on a check list of items that focused on the reforms. The problem in New York was that some of the items were contradictory to local contract and, in one case, state education law. Among these were the uses of student scores in determining teacher tenure.” He also said that other issues involved locals opening contracts and renegotiating items to satisfy new federal guidelines. John ended his point by saying the following: “In Sachem, I see a school district where taxes have been held in check in exemplary fashion. I see a professional staff that has steadily increased student test scores until they were top in the county. Our teachers are teaching, our students are learning, our administrators are making it happen and our Board is keeping costs and taxes down. Tell me, exactly where we need reform? From where I sit, instead of the feds and the state trying to reform us, they should be using Sachem as a model to show how things can be done. But what do I know?”
While I share in John’s sentiment, I know that part of being a teacher is being able to adapt, and I think in education there is always room for improvement. If we get stuck in the mud, screaming “past practice, past practice,” how does this benefit the kids?
Here are my questions on the subject:
1) How do we deal with the issue of data and teaching to a test in determining tenure or the effectiveness of a teacher? My friend Chris recently asked me, “Do you believe all teachers have the ability to motivate and develop lessons plans effective enough to get less fortunate and less intelligent students to learn the necessary material to be considered an educated citizen?” My answer is shouldn’t we all?
2) Do we agree with how the federal government is handling this? Are their intentions—to get people to start talking about reforming education—good?
3) Where does professional development play into R2TT’s intentions? Shouldn’t the development of teachers be top priority? Why is NYS threatening to take Teacher Centers away?
4) Do we actually need reform?!
According to the Washington Post, “Delaware and Tennessee won the first shares of President Obama's $4 billion fund for education innovation and reform.
Delaware received 454.6 points out of 500. It has a new state law that bars educators from receiving "effective" ratings unless their students demonstrate satisfactory levels of growth. It also offers bonuses of as much as $10,000 a year for teachers and principals willing to transfer to high-needs schools. Schools in "turnaround" because of poor performance must show improvement within two years.
The state plans to send "data coaches" into schools to help teachers track student performance and target lessons where needed. The state is to begin new tests in the coming school year that will generate achievement data to help evaluate teachers and principals.”
Ezra Klein from the Post states, “Race to the Top is a $4.35 billion grant program created in the stimulus package. The short version is that the states submit proposals to improve their education system to the federal government, and if the Feds approve, the states get a pot o' money with which to implement the plan. The idea isn't just to fund public schools, but to use the promise of federal money in a time of strapped state budgets to empower reformers. New York finished second-to-last, leading Mike Bloomberg to criticize the state legislature for not lifting its cap on charter schools. "We are not going to qualify unless the state understands this," he said. And that's where the promise of the program really lies: Using the money to get the states to make legislative changes they wouldn't otherwise make, and unite stakeholders who wouldn't otherwise come together.”
Now I went to the University of Delaware, observed, student taught, and was a leave replacement at schools across the state during my tenure there. And I did notice some obvious problems in the education system. For one, in DE, kids can be bused to any school within the county, and there were very selective choices, leaving some schools in the dust. The state education department has started taking over schools in the state, and Howard, where I student taught, was on the short-list for Federal Take-over, but was passed over for 5 other schools.
An obvious concern with Race To the Top is data. In the article, they focused on how DE was going to enforce data when it came to changing what's going wrong with teachers in the classroom. I get afraid when I hear administration screaming "data" because I feel that they want teachers to teach strictly to the test, and to remind you of the dirty SpringBoard issue last year, you know I do not like teaching to the test. I'm going to be a hypocrite here for a second, however, and say that an effective teacher (or highly qualified to use some NCLB jargon) should be able to have high passing grades on any test, state-, federal-, or locally-enforced. How does R2TT enforce the latter without encouraging the former?
One thing I will say about Delaware, and my district in particular, is that they offered worthwhile professional development days. Our professional development time pales in comparison, but, to my knowledge, Delaware doesn’t have the teacher center programs like New York does.
Here’s what my friend Nicole, who is the English department chair at Howard, had to say about R2TT: “In regard to Race to the Top Funds, the jury is still out. Delaware wrote a lot into its grant, and very little of it was actually fleshed out at the time of submission--such as how to handle teacher accountability under the new DPAS II system--but every district acknowledged that the money was a necessary evil when considering the extreme budget crisis the State is currently facing. I am not in a position to comment on it yet, as I try not to jump to conclusions until the details and specifics are available--which will not be for several more months. I do know that the money will save some of our staff, as our District was in a difficult place facing next year's budget, but beyond that I cannot say whether I am happy about this turn of events or terrified; I am leaning toward the latter.”
Now, let’s bring it back to New York, which finished second to last in this first round of Race funds. My union President, John H., in his last Presidential Point letter in Speak Out, addressed the issue, but under the guise that he wasn’t so sure Sachem needed reform in the first place. He said, “To earn the grant, I had to sign off on a check list of items that focused on the reforms. The problem in New York was that some of the items were contradictory to local contract and, in one case, state education law. Among these were the uses of student scores in determining teacher tenure.” He also said that other issues involved locals opening contracts and renegotiating items to satisfy new federal guidelines. John ended his point by saying the following: “In Sachem, I see a school district where taxes have been held in check in exemplary fashion. I see a professional staff that has steadily increased student test scores until they were top in the county. Our teachers are teaching, our students are learning, our administrators are making it happen and our Board is keeping costs and taxes down. Tell me, exactly where we need reform? From where I sit, instead of the feds and the state trying to reform us, they should be using Sachem as a model to show how things can be done. But what do I know?”
While I share in John’s sentiment, I know that part of being a teacher is being able to adapt, and I think in education there is always room for improvement. If we get stuck in the mud, screaming “past practice, past practice,” how does this benefit the kids?
Here are my questions on the subject:
1) How do we deal with the issue of data and teaching to a test in determining tenure or the effectiveness of a teacher? My friend Chris recently asked me, “Do you believe all teachers have the ability to motivate and develop lessons plans effective enough to get less fortunate and less intelligent students to learn the necessary material to be considered an educated citizen?” My answer is shouldn’t we all?
2) Do we agree with how the federal government is handling this? Are their intentions—to get people to start talking about reforming education—good?
3) Where does professional development play into R2TT’s intentions? Shouldn’t the development of teachers be top priority? Why is NYS threatening to take Teacher Centers away?
4) Do we actually need reform?!
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Happy Accidents
I've recently been thinking about coincidences. I first started thinking about their importance today, as I was gliding, tires slick with rain, onto Sunrise Highway, merging from Nicolls Road South. I was thinking about accidents, specifically car accidents, train accidents, any form of crash. Probably not the best thing to be thinking about while driving. However, an accident is effectively a coincidence; it is something that, who knows, maybe was--or was not--planned in the pre-destination of a life. One wrong move could lead to an accident and all accounts of one's future could be changed, altered by a split-second decision or indecision to jerk left...or right.
I got to thinking about this idea of a coincidence. Is it an act of fate? Are all accidents, coincidences, surprises pre-determined? Are they supposed to happen? Maybe we should pay more attention to them if that's the case.
I remember reading The Celestine Prophecy a few years ago. James Redfield's novel focuses on coincidences as being the first of nine insights into achieving a fulfilling life. This first insight entails consciousness of the coincidences in our lives. Coincidences that build up supposedly lead us to a higher path.
I've always been cognizant of the coincidences in my life. I remember when I was reading the book, I got an image in my head of the mother of one of my friends from elementary school. I remembered Mrs. Peters, my friend Amy, Amy's 6th birthday party at their house, and fondly reflected on how her mother was a good person. The next day, Mrs. Peters, who I hadn't seen in probably a decade or so, showed up at the Italian Ice store where I was working. I don't know the meaning attributed to that coincidence; it may just have been to prove to me that they do exist, and that I shouldn't let them go unnoticed.
I think for too long a time I have ignored the power of coincidence.
As Bob Ross said, "We don't make mistakes here, just happy accidents."
I got to thinking about this idea of a coincidence. Is it an act of fate? Are all accidents, coincidences, surprises pre-determined? Are they supposed to happen? Maybe we should pay more attention to them if that's the case.
I remember reading The Celestine Prophecy a few years ago. James Redfield's novel focuses on coincidences as being the first of nine insights into achieving a fulfilling life. This first insight entails consciousness of the coincidences in our lives. Coincidences that build up supposedly lead us to a higher path.
I've always been cognizant of the coincidences in my life. I remember when I was reading the book, I got an image in my head of the mother of one of my friends from elementary school. I remembered Mrs. Peters, my friend Amy, Amy's 6th birthday party at their house, and fondly reflected on how her mother was a good person. The next day, Mrs. Peters, who I hadn't seen in probably a decade or so, showed up at the Italian Ice store where I was working. I don't know the meaning attributed to that coincidence; it may just have been to prove to me that they do exist, and that I shouldn't let them go unnoticed.
I think for too long a time I have ignored the power of coincidence.
As Bob Ross said, "We don't make mistakes here, just happy accidents."
Monday, February 15, 2010
Presidents Day
Today is Presidents Day. I decided to take a journey around my Long Island listening to some tunes that I handpicked for the ride.
"Good Morning Happiness" by Grant-Lee Phillips: I merge onto Nicolls Road North, cruising by the icy divide. I pass through Selden, Centereach, and South Setauket, listening to "Low Rising" by The Swell Season and "Shambala" by Three Dog Night.
I turn onto Nesconset Highway West, as "Sing" by Travis starts up. I notice the bare tree limbs surrounding me as I'm stuck in serious mall traffic. As I'm dead stopped on the road, I notice it's 45 degrees outside and the snow is gradually melting. An ambulance approaches me on the opposite side of the street, its siren blaring, as I study the red house with the big tree in front of it on the easterly side of the highway, while "Hey Soul Sister" by Train is playing.
As I enter Nesconset for a brief time, "Little Lion Man" by Mumford and Sons is blaring (I turned the volume up for this one especially). I notice the vast snowy field that is on the corner directly opposite one of the largest shopping malls in Suffolk County, the Smithaven mall. A right turn onto Middle Country Road yields me right into the hamlet of St. James as my car radio yields "Peg" by Steely Dan right into my ears.
Steely Dan takes me through Village of the Branch and I'm through Main Street of Smithtown by the end of the song. "The Beat" starts up by Elvis Costello, just as I approach The Bull. And I follow the road to the right, 25A.
Flanked by Suffolk County and New York State parks, the song is "Break Even" by The Script and I notice my "Service Engine Soon" light has gone on. Bummer. Too bad I won't listen to it...
I turn onto East Main Street in Kings Park, where I remember that I forgot to go to a Post Office to mail my congratulatory birth cards as well as my ceremonial wedding response (yes), and then all of a sudden one appears out of nowhere across from the Kings Park High School. I turn into the parking lot, open my door, and Neko Case's "People Got a Lotta Nerve" follows me to the mailbox.
Driving into town, I make a few wrong turns, and have to turn around in Clayton Funeral Home, which I have unfortunately been to before, and am listening to the appropriate "Just Breathe" by Pearl Jam.
Trying to find a suitable restaurant or bar, I am clearly lost, all the while listening to "Honey and the Moon" by Joseph Arthur.
I turn onto Old Dock Road and pass kids and adults sledding down an icy quasi-hill, the Kings Park psychiatric hospital looming in the background. I turn into the semi-packed parking lot of D.S. Shanahans, located next to an old, gray house. Even the Budweiser flags weren't moving at this bar.
So I search on. I find the psychiatric hospital. Not sure if I should be there.
As I pull out, "Boy Lilikoi" by Jonsi playing, I notice Nissequogue River State Park is across the street, so I pull in past buildings boarded up, feeling like I'm trespassing yet again. But I see other cars and I park. Out on foot, I trudge through snow and mud. I'm being followed by a white Grand Cherokee. Nonetheless, I take my pictures, and if I can ignore the crunching of Cherokee tires on ice behind me, there is a serenity of just me and the birds staring out onto the river.
I go back to the car, finish up my pictures, and leave the park, admiring the Nissequogue River, frozen and leading out to the Sound.
"Chasing Pirates" by Norah Jones accompanies me up and down back hills of Kings Park. I take St. Johnland Road past the house of Obadiah Smith and past the town of San Remo. And I am back where I began on Main Street of Kings Park, Levon Helm's "When I Go Away" with me this time around. I go to the Park Lounge, but it's closed, so I turn around and head back to Smithtown, "bound for glory," as Levon sings.
Brian Eno and David Byrne sing "Life is Long" and I sit in the shadow of the bull pondering that sentiment.
Back on Jericho Turnpike, "Old Man Chicago" by Alberta Cross glides me to Union Station Restaurant, which was "Closed. See Ya in the Summer." Of course leaving me with no explanation for the cars in the parking lot.
Dejected again, I turn on Phoenix's "1901" which leads me into town and I park, a little more upbeat than before.
I go into Napper Tandys Pub, where there are no local beers, but I order a Magic Hat #9 and a French Onion Soup. The lone other customer tells me I'm the 3rd patron of the day, and I am forced to eat my soup and watch Fox News, where I learn Senator Evan Bayh of Indiana is retiring. The guy at the other end of the bar is talking to the bartender about Valentines Day, her heating problems, and the Olympics, as I take notes on my day.
I pay my $11.50 bill, leave, and head home on Portion Road.
Nesconset
Lake Ronkonkoma
Farmingville.
"Diary of Jane" by Breaking Benjamin
"You Are the Best Thing" by Ray LaMontagne
"Tunnel of Love" by Bruce Springsteen.
HOME.
"Good Morning Happiness" by Grant-Lee Phillips: I merge onto Nicolls Road North, cruising by the icy divide. I pass through Selden, Centereach, and South Setauket, listening to "Low Rising" by The Swell Season and "Shambala" by Three Dog Night.
I turn onto Nesconset Highway West, as "Sing" by Travis starts up. I notice the bare tree limbs surrounding me as I'm stuck in serious mall traffic. As I'm dead stopped on the road, I notice it's 45 degrees outside and the snow is gradually melting. An ambulance approaches me on the opposite side of the street, its siren blaring, as I study the red house with the big tree in front of it on the easterly side of the highway, while "Hey Soul Sister" by Train is playing.
As I enter Nesconset for a brief time, "Little Lion Man" by Mumford and Sons is blaring (I turned the volume up for this one especially). I notice the vast snowy field that is on the corner directly opposite one of the largest shopping malls in Suffolk County, the Smithaven mall. A right turn onto Middle Country Road yields me right into the hamlet of St. James as my car radio yields "Peg" by Steely Dan right into my ears.
Steely Dan takes me through Village of the Branch and I'm through Main Street of Smithtown by the end of the song. "The Beat" starts up by Elvis Costello, just as I approach The Bull. And I follow the road to the right, 25A.
Flanked by Suffolk County and New York State parks, the song is "Break Even" by The Script and I notice my "Service Engine Soon" light has gone on. Bummer. Too bad I won't listen to it...
I turn onto East Main Street in Kings Park, where I remember that I forgot to go to a Post Office to mail my congratulatory birth cards as well as my ceremonial wedding response (yes), and then all of a sudden one appears out of nowhere across from the Kings Park High School. I turn into the parking lot, open my door, and Neko Case's "People Got a Lotta Nerve" follows me to the mailbox.
Driving into town, I make a few wrong turns, and have to turn around in Clayton Funeral Home, which I have unfortunately been to before, and am listening to the appropriate "Just Breathe" by Pearl Jam.
Trying to find a suitable restaurant or bar, I am clearly lost, all the while listening to "Honey and the Moon" by Joseph Arthur.
I turn onto Old Dock Road and pass kids and adults sledding down an icy quasi-hill, the Kings Park psychiatric hospital looming in the background. I turn into the semi-packed parking lot of D.S. Shanahans, located next to an old, gray house. Even the Budweiser flags weren't moving at this bar.
So I search on. I find the psychiatric hospital. Not sure if I should be there.
As I pull out, "Boy Lilikoi" by Jonsi playing, I notice Nissequogue River State Park is across the street, so I pull in past buildings boarded up, feeling like I'm trespassing yet again. But I see other cars and I park. Out on foot, I trudge through snow and mud. I'm being followed by a white Grand Cherokee. Nonetheless, I take my pictures, and if I can ignore the crunching of Cherokee tires on ice behind me, there is a serenity of just me and the birds staring out onto the river.
I go back to the car, finish up my pictures, and leave the park, admiring the Nissequogue River, frozen and leading out to the Sound.
"Chasing Pirates" by Norah Jones accompanies me up and down back hills of Kings Park. I take St. Johnland Road past the house of Obadiah Smith and past the town of San Remo. And I am back where I began on Main Street of Kings Park, Levon Helm's "When I Go Away" with me this time around. I go to the Park Lounge, but it's closed, so I turn around and head back to Smithtown, "bound for glory," as Levon sings.
Brian Eno and David Byrne sing "Life is Long" and I sit in the shadow of the bull pondering that sentiment.
Back on Jericho Turnpike, "Old Man Chicago" by Alberta Cross glides me to Union Station Restaurant, which was "Closed. See Ya in the Summer." Of course leaving me with no explanation for the cars in the parking lot.
Dejected again, I turn on Phoenix's "1901" which leads me into town and I park, a little more upbeat than before.
I go into Napper Tandys Pub, where there are no local beers, but I order a Magic Hat #9 and a French Onion Soup. The lone other customer tells me I'm the 3rd patron of the day, and I am forced to eat my soup and watch Fox News, where I learn Senator Evan Bayh of Indiana is retiring. The guy at the other end of the bar is talking to the bartender about Valentines Day, her heating problems, and the Olympics, as I take notes on my day.
I pay my $11.50 bill, leave, and head home on Portion Road.
Nesconset
Lake Ronkonkoma
Farmingville.
"Diary of Jane" by Breaking Benjamin
"You Are the Best Thing" by Ray LaMontagne
"Tunnel of Love" by Bruce Springsteen.
HOME.
"It only ends once. Anything before that is just progress."
December, January, February. The time passes, but life remains the same. Winter is cold, and we've had many snowbound days so far. I don't mind the snow. Maybe it is the variable that interrupts the constants in my life. It gives me something to do, something to marvel over, something to talk about.
As it usually happens around this time of year, my creativity is running out of gas, and is in serious need of replenishment. When my creativity flounders, so does my feeling of self-worth (how depressing!). I seem to run out of inspiration when I have to spend my everydays inside or bundled up inside a tightly wound sausage of cottony layers.
I expressed recently to my friend Victoria that I am feeling suffocated. I come home most days and either stay in my room or the guest room, watching TV and lying down. I am looking for condos, but that is a long process. In the interim, my mind, my heart, everything feels like it's locked up in a black box, dreaming and beating beyond its walls, but unable to burst out and expand.
I was driving and thinking these sentiments the other day when I recalled meeting a Navajo man in an Indian market in Arizona two summers ago. He told me and a few other strangers that it was a beautiful day to wake up on this side of the grass. I find that to be one of the most beautifully reassuring things I have ever heard.
As the months wind on, I am finding ways of reinventing or reestablishing my creativity and thus my sanity and happiness. In one month I am shaving my head in honor of childhood cancer research. The sense of altruism, garnered from fundraising and talking about the cause, leading up to the event is reassuring, and I know the new look I will gain from the shaving will be fulfilling. Today my Dad and I are repainting the guest room, from a pistachio green color to a new pea-soup hue. At first I was opposed to the change--mere laziness--but as we're doing it, it feels good to alter something. I don't really care about the outcome; the room serves its purpose to me whatever the tone, but that I am contributing to its change, and I guess in some eyes, its betterment, for that contribution I feel good.
The time changes, and I need to be more proactive in changing with it. I find myself idly sitting in the sidelines watching my life replaying itself, constant upon constant, not realizing that I can be the variable effecting the change I need to evolve.
As it usually happens around this time of year, my creativity is running out of gas, and is in serious need of replenishment. When my creativity flounders, so does my feeling of self-worth (how depressing!). I seem to run out of inspiration when I have to spend my everydays inside or bundled up inside a tightly wound sausage of cottony layers.
I expressed recently to my friend Victoria that I am feeling suffocated. I come home most days and either stay in my room or the guest room, watching TV and lying down. I am looking for condos, but that is a long process. In the interim, my mind, my heart, everything feels like it's locked up in a black box, dreaming and beating beyond its walls, but unable to burst out and expand.
I was driving and thinking these sentiments the other day when I recalled meeting a Navajo man in an Indian market in Arizona two summers ago. He told me and a few other strangers that it was a beautiful day to wake up on this side of the grass. I find that to be one of the most beautifully reassuring things I have ever heard.
As the months wind on, I am finding ways of reinventing or reestablishing my creativity and thus my sanity and happiness. In one month I am shaving my head in honor of childhood cancer research. The sense of altruism, garnered from fundraising and talking about the cause, leading up to the event is reassuring, and I know the new look I will gain from the shaving will be fulfilling. Today my Dad and I are repainting the guest room, from a pistachio green color to a new pea-soup hue. At first I was opposed to the change--mere laziness--but as we're doing it, it feels good to alter something. I don't really care about the outcome; the room serves its purpose to me whatever the tone, but that I am contributing to its change, and I guess in some eyes, its betterment, for that contribution I feel good.
The time changes, and I need to be more proactive in changing with it. I find myself idly sitting in the sidelines watching my life replaying itself, constant upon constant, not realizing that I can be the variable effecting the change I need to evolve.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
