Wide Awake

It's a quarter to 4 in the morning and I haven't fallen asleep yet. Time has passed rather quickly since I got into bed at 10, so maybe I have nodded off at times, but I have been tossing and turning basically the whole night. I tried to take cold medicine to make me drowsy, but that didn't work. I blame the mind demons at work. Sometimes my life is too fast, and all I want is for it to slow down, but that seems impossible given my surroundings. Sometimes I wish I could just live by myself in the woods for a day, a week, a month, a year--just to get away. But I guess all I would be doing is avoiding reality. This is a fast-paced world, and I have to run to keep up, however sluggish I feel.

Right now I feel like I'm crawling.

...

I can't sleep though i haven't tried the song i am listening to is 'life is long' and that it is. it is 1 in the morning i keep thinking about my tooth and why it feels depressed upon my gum and i don't like that. 'so stay don't go cuz i'm fading away.' i just want to move into my new condo. i think i can call it a house. house implies one's own home almost, and this is almost my home and so i will call it a house. writing this has made me become tired so i closed my eyes for the time being and am typing this with my eyes shut. 'finders keepers' is on right now. i need to find a life i'm fully happy with. i'm not at content mode 100% of the time. i wonder if anyone is. i'd like to find that person. i want to go west; it's been too long. it's not going to happen this summer and for that i am upset. i miss the mountains, the cool summer night air, the relaxed way of life. i miss hiking in the great outdoors without having to worry about the bugs not leaivng me alone. i wish i could go back............................................................................................................................fin...............ders...............kee..........pers.
'looks just like the sun'

Moonlight Illumination

In an easterly direction, my car hits the road, tires spinning in an endless rotation, like the earth upon which they roll. I am on Sunrise Highway, which bisects the southern part of Long Island and runs east to west or west to east, depending on which way you look at it. Ahead of me, as I exit the highway at midnight is not the sun, but the moon, enshrouded in streaks of grey clouds, but vibrant as a lightbulb in a vacant room at nighttime.

My mind catapults back seven summers, to a time much simpler than this, when, underneath this same moon, in this same spot on Sunrise Highway, I was enshrouded by my friends, novice drivers on our way to a midnight rendezvous at the California Diner. Youths ready to indulge in waffles a la mode (my favorite), pancakes, egg sandwiches, french fries with gravy--standard nighttime snacks for the 17-year old hollering under our resplendent orb of night.

I continued driving, however, around the bend, and northward bound towards home, leaving behind this moon and this distant memory for another time, when I will need the light above me to guide me into the future by using knowledge that I have gained over the years living under the sun...and the moon.