Blurry

I have been feeling way too much guilt lately. Guilt for things I've done. Usually one feels guilt for the things he has not done; I feel the opposite.
Mainly, it has involved the use of alcohol. I feel like I can't just go out and have a few. Instead, I find myself in situations where I am buying for more than myself and am looking to go crazy. I don't know why this is happening.

I try and step back just a second and I feel like I can't. The normal response should be, I guess, that I'm 22 years old and this is what happens when you're 22. But, I feel that that response isn't so.

I kind of want to change things as they are right now. I do and I don't. I'm at this in-between stage, I feel like, where I don't know my right from my left. Where what I did and have done before is blurring with what I am doing now.

I feel like I need to cut myself off for awhile. Put down the cell phone, sign off of IM, and start worrying about what me and my family, the people I love, are doing--instead of what I need to be doing with my friends, which has become self-destructive, in a sense. I feel I have gotten into a routine that is destructive and not something I have hoped for in my life. I need to become un-blurred from this.