The Past Four Years: A Look Back

Today, as I was running along the James F. Hall Trail here in Newark, Delaware, observing the towering green trees, their branches drooping over the path, I started thinking about how far I've come over these past four years of college.

The song was "You Never Know" by Dave Matthews Band. The lines,
"I find it hard to explain
How I got here
I think I can I think I can
but then again I will falter...
dream"
made me look up at the sky, trying to discern what the order of the clouds meant, each one blending into one another, the sun trying to peek its way through, like the light seeping through the window shades as night gives way to morning.

As I saw this effluence of light, I was transported to my state of mind four years prior. Instead of running four miles three times a week, while listening to the joyful noise of Dave on my iPod, my only exercise in Albany, New York, was my two-mile treks to Stuyvesant Plaza, where I would visit The Book House or Starbuck's, while listening to the soulful sounds of Jonny Lang on my CD player, looking at Po Bronson's self-help book, What Should I Do With My Life?, for any answers it could give, and observing jovial friends, strangers, mingle over a cup of coffee.

I was in a different world back then: overweight, depressed, gloomy like the foreboding skies and weather forecasts that abounded in Albany. I used to listen to that sadness-laden music, and read those self-help, life-inspiring books, as if the troubles they told of were my own.

Now after three years living in Delaware, knowing what I should do with my life, I can take those depressing texts--the songs, movies, books, for which sadness is a theme--and channel that sadness into a positive process of finding a way out. As a teacher, I can educate others through these texts that explore these types of themes, that the end justifies the means, that we are here to pursue happiness, and that one day it will come, and having that knowledge is all we need to get us through each day with the hope that that one day will come, and on that day, the sun will shine through the clouds right down upon us, where each of us is standing, basking in the glory of our lives.