RIP Pa 10/28/09

Written by my aunt Carol, in remembrance of Pa:

Thank you all for being here with us today to celebrate Dad’s life. It certainly was a life well-lived. I think that everyone who knew Dad knows what a good person he was – he loved his family, worked hard and practiced his faith – what better can be said of a man at the end of the day?
Dad was the ultimate gentleman, and a man of strong moral fiber - it might have been uncomfortable for us at times, but he taught us well – the trait was passed on to his children and in turn to his grandchildren. And it was not only his words – but his actions too – the way he lived his life, challenging each of us to be the best that we could be. He and Mom together created a caring & loving family that they were so very proud of.
His love for our mother was an inspiration to all of us and that love extended to his parents, brother, sisters, nieces and nephews – nothing made him happier than the family reunions at Liz & Bob’s and then this year when we all came to him at his Buckingham home. His special bond with his twin sister Margaret was beautiful to see.
Dad grew up in the Bronx during hard financial times. In order to help the family he joined the CCCs at the age of 17 and was sent to a state park in Virginia where he helped to build cabins, fireplaces and even a swimming pool. When World War II came along he was first stationed in Oregon and Mom followed him out there in order to be close to him. He was sent overseas and was assigned to the Pigeon Signal Corps where he used his pigeon training skills from the roofs of his Bronx apartments to help send messages behind enemy lines.
When Mom was hospitalized with TB, Dad held the family together in the best ways he could and tried never to let us know how hard it was for him.
My sisters and brother and I have so many wonderful memories of him – more than we can possibly share today. Among the memories were Boy Scout camping weekends with Jim, the Fall weekend visits to Wyndham where he taught the grandsons to golf, camping with them in New York when they had their trailer, visits to Lake Welch & Lake Sebago with Uncle Jimmy, barbequing and tossing us kids around in the water, and of course the pool on James Street, Jean remembers sitting on his lap a lot when she was little - we all remember the haircuts he gave us with the bowl on our heads (all right that is a not so fond memory). We all remember how handy he was around the house – he could patch up anything and make it work & he continued to do so at his children’s homes as well.
I also remember Dad as a protector. I will never forget the night that I was babysitting in Englewood during some troubles there when the back door opened –luckily I had put the chain on, but I was terrified. I called Dad & within minutes he was banging on the front door with baseball bat in hand. It says something about both of us that it never occurred to either of us to call the police. I instinctively turned to my Dad and he instinctively rushed to my rescue as he always did for all of us.
These last couple of years have been hard for Dad & for those of us who love him. His sudden illness & its complications kept Dad from being home with his precious Mary and took the life that he was used to away from him with shocking suddenness. And yet no words of complaint ever passed his lips. Even after Mom was gone, Dad always tried to be positive, looking forward to his visits with his girls and his son, talking golf and watching old movies with his devoted sons-in-law and spending time with all of us out in the garden with the birds and animals that he loved to watch, and singing along with the weekend entertainers. The frequent visits of Liz & his beloved sister Marge, his niece Joan and her husband Ken, Eileen Donovan who was so good to both of our parents, Father Joe, and other family members meant so very much to him and we are so grateful to all of you. One of the most impressive things about Dad was his unfailing politeness. His caregivers have told us that he never failed to thank them for their ministrations and he was well loved in the Buckingham by workers and residents alike for his sweet disposition and stoic acceptance of his situation. His dignity and courage were an inspiration to all who knew him.
His face would light up with pleasure when his cherished grandchildren came to visit – how he loved listening to their stories about work, school, their travels and their hobbies. He was so proud of all their accomplishments and talents and was always proudly rooting them on when he was still able whether it was at baseball games, school functions, grandparents days at school, plays, concerts, an Eagle Scout ceremony or a Hall of Fame dinner. His love for them was reciprocated in full.
This past year brought special joy to him with the birth of his first great-grandson, Ryan. There seemed to be a bond between them from the beginning and how he enjoyed seeing him in person & also getting to see him through the miracle of Skype! Ryan will always know how his great grandpa loved him – how lucky he is!
Over the past two years I feel that I got to know my father in a way that I never did before. I felt that I was seeing him as the sweet, loving boy he was before the war, five children and financial burdens weighed him down. They were not easy years for any of us but I wouldn’t trade the precious time spent with him for anything in the world and I know my sisters and brother all feel the same. I promised Mom that I would take care of him for her – we all did our best and I know that they are together again in heaven, happy and pain-free. Mom sent a rainbow on his last day to let us know that she was taking over now and that we can all be at peace.
“I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith” 2 Timothy 4:7
You did all of that Dad, and more – now be at peace with your beloved Mary.
Goodnight Dad, sleep tight, sweet dreams, I love you.


Eulogy written by me to honor Pa:

Pa passed away 1 year 3 months and 26 days after Nana. We didn’t think he would last that long after she passed away. I think that he did it for us—his 5 kids, their 5 spouses, his 11 grandkids, and his great grandson. I think that we can’t talk about Pa without talking about the woman he loved for 67 years. Nana and Pa were always considered the core of this family. They always will be to each of us, but now the 10 kids—our parents—have to be the center of the family like Nana and Pa were. The center has shifted, but the family’s values that Nana and Pa created remain the same.
Pa had his struggles these past couple of years, but he got through them with a courage that was so inspiring to all who knew him. He always had a positive outlook on his life. Going to the nursing home and visiting him could be depressing at times, but, having had the past couple of days for reflection, I determined that his room there at the end of his life was a microcosm for all of our lives. He was able, from his room, to welcome his great-grandson, Ryan, into the world. He was able to meet a man of faith, his friend Jerry, who provided a religious and faithful outlook for Pa in the days and months of grieving over his wife’s death. He was able to make a friend at the age of 93, just when you’d think you’ve had all the friends you needed, in his roommate Vinny, who stood by him, even going over to Pa’s bed to share his excitement with his friend about the Yankees winning the pennant Sunday night. And I know that inside Pa was laughing about his crazy friend with that great bellowing laugh of his that we’ve all heard and loved.
But one thing that Pa taught me, one of so many things he always taught us throughout our lives—how to golf, how to build a rocket or a racecar, how to love your spouse unconditionally, how to be an amazing father and grandfather to all his grandkids and even their friends—one thing Pa taught me towards the end when I would come visit him in the nursing home, is to appreciate the little things in life. When I was staring out his window, as we all did when we visited him, we would take time to notice all the different birds, the different leaves that everyday we would just take for granted. But to Pa, who was debilitated, these things gave him joy and pleasure while he was suffering. A nice day was something that gave him joy while he was suffering. Seeing the beautiful birds outside his window gave him joy while he was suffering. I’m thankful for those nice days and for the birds and for having all that conversation with a man who I feel so grateful and so lucky to have had in my life for 24 years. May Pa rest in peace with our beloved Nana, always.